Jagged little pillzzzzz

I used dream so vividly, but what was really extraordinary about my dreams was the way I could talk to myself in them and control them. This came in really handy if I was having a nightmare. Often, I would just say to myself “you know this is not real; just wake up.” I would wake up. That ability stopped with the medication.

Supposedly the medication doesn’t “dull” the person taking it. I’m not sure that is true. I think that depending upon what you are taking, it does have an affect on cognitive function. My mood stabilizer is also used for seizures. It has had a significant affect on my my ability to be creative and quick with decision making and as well as my memory, particularly when I first started taking it.

With the memory, I thought I was going to have to start wearing a damn white board around my neck to make notes for myself. I did leave Post-It notes around for a while. People could have really fucked with me if they wanted by moving my Post-Its. Hot damn, the memory issue was bad.

I did notice that my true personality was revealed. Where I was kind of a very social party person previously, I’m not now. When I have had to take the Myers-Briggs personality inventory for school and work over the past couple of decades, I have, without fail, come out an INTJ. After being on meds, that has become very apparent. I can’t be around a lot of stimulation. More than a couple of social functions per week drain me. I prefer intimate social interactions with close friends. I would much rather stay in with a book than go out. It’s funny how going on meds brought this out. I think this particular personality probably doesn’t help with this diagnosis either when it comes to lack of moderation, which is an issue for me. (Hence the name of the blog.)

Are you wondering if I have ever gone off of my meds? Yes, I have. As I said above, my true personality came out, and I thought “whoa, fun Dayna no longer exists. Let’s bring her back.” Instead, REALLY irritable and angry Dayna came back, and NO ONE liked her. Back on my meds I went.

Oh well, as I say, “better living through chemistry.” Plus, it keeps me out of court.


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