I was recently in Chicago waiting on the train when I see the signs to stay away from the tracks, because they are high voltage. You know the ones that show the person getting zapped and dying. What surprised me is that I looked at the signs, down to the tracks, back to the sign, and then wondered what it would feel like. How bad would it hurt? Would it be instantaneous? What if I was to be hit by the train? I could just step off the side…
I have had something personal in nature weighing on my mind, that I don’t feel like discussing with anyone, because there’s literally nothing I can do about it, but I haven’t exactly been depressed or suicidal. (Not anything to do with C., if that is a question.) Yet, my therapist would label these thoughts passively suicidal. They came out of the blue.
I had just come out of a very productive meeting with a great team, and I am getting ready to make plans to move into what should be an exciting phase of work with some international colleagues. I’m not sure where this came from.
I guess it’s good that I don’t engage in as many (high) risk-taking hobbies as I used to.