Some days I want to just get rid of everything and roam. I want to go where no one knows my name, where there are no expectations*. When there are no expectations, there can be no disappointment – disappointment in me or my disappointment in anyone else. But I guess I can’t outrun the disappointment in myself, can I?
I want to isolate myself away from the world, from the things that make me feel weak and foolish. (Ah, revisit self-disappointment above.) If I could hear the crashing of waves, maybe they would drown out the thoughts that remind me that my strength isn’t what others see, that there’s a fragility. No one else sees it; no one knows.**
Sometimes I just need to fade into the background – somewhere, anywhere. Be invisible. But I can’t. Fuck.
*Let’s hope I get up with a better attitude tomorrow. Nothing happened to trigger this craptacular mood. I just woke up like this. Yay me.
**Almost no one.